Spectacular

I turned over in my half-asleep daze.

I could feel him beside me but for a moment I forgot he was there. I nudged him as I tried to get comfortable. Good, I didn’t wake him; we have a lot to do tomorrow.

I should get some sleep too, but I just want to look at him, just for a little while.

God he is perfect, perfect for me anyway. His eyes, his incredible smile, they way I fit so perfectly in his arms. He is who I will spend my life with. How did I get here?

When I was younger, I never saw myself wanting any of this.  In fact, I actively tried to stop myself from wanting it. I wanted a spectacular life; I did not want traditional, conventional, ordinary.

I was naive; too young to realize that having one didn’t mean I couldn’t have the other.

When he proposed, I panicked. I was terrified, not because I didn’t know what to say, but because I knew exactly what to say. When did I let this become what I want?

I closed my eyes for a second and opened them to the morning.

I could hear him in the kitchen, our kitchen.

I had said yes, with the condition that we get our own place first; under the pretense that I wanted to make sure we were fully compatible. I knew we would be; to be honest I just wanted to give myself time to be okay with this kind of life. To be even more honest, I knew he realized that.  He was always willing to give me what I needed (add that to the list of all things wonderful).

As I got out of bed, I looked around at all the boxes that cluttered the room. I made my way to the kitchen, climbing over more boxes in the hall. We had so much unpacking to do, it was sure to take the whole day.

He passed me a cup of coffee after I sat down on the counter, we didn’t even have a table yet.  I looked at him as I sipped my coffee, and he stood in front me doing the same. We both smiled without speaking, and I thought, it is moments like this that are spectacular.

Then I woke up, suddenly thrust into reality.