don’t you ever wonder? (3)


If you were to ever ask me what went wrong, I’d never be able to tell you. I was so lost about it all that I had no idea what to make of any of it. The season was over and we missed out on the playoffs. It was my last chance at playing for a Bowl and I would never get it again. That didn’t even matter anymore.

Hey so, I’ve got something to ask you.

Oh. Sure, what is it?

Well…I hate to put it so matter-of-factly, but you know that I’m taking you to prom, right?

Oh, hahaha. I figured as much. Sure, I would love to go with you!

Why did I ask Cat? Because she was there. Because we were dating. But the world knew that I really wanted to go with Anne. There was just nothing I could do about it.

Fast-forward to prom. I experienced another fall out. This time, it was with Catherine. And this one was ugly. I decided to take another friend to prom…only to see Anne hanging off of the arm of another guy. We had all arrived at a classmates’ house to pre-drink and socialize before the party bus came to pick us up. I decided that I had had enough of this weird silence. While our class raised champagne glasses in the air to celebrate the essence of our awesomeness, I grabbed her by the hand and quietly led her to the kitchen.

What? What did I do wrong? 

Hi, nice to see you too. You can’t even say that to me anymore?

Hello, Anne. Now what did I do wrong? You disappeared on me after November. What the hell? You don’t just do that. Not to me and not to anybody else for that matter. And now you’re here with him? Seriously?

Look, I have my reasons, okay? I just think that our friendship really cou-

Whoa, friendship? What you and I have is just a friendship? Friends don’t cuddle during movies then kiss. They also don’t hold hands and give each other articles of clothing when the other is cold. You are…or were my girl-

Don’t say it. Just let me walk back into that room, please.

I did exactly what she wanted. It’s one of those things you know you can’t change, y’know? I spent the whole prom staring at her from a distance (as non-creepily as possible). The girl was something else and I was not about to let her get away from me.

Fast-forward to the afterparty. Everybody was fairly messed up and so people decided to start crashing. Some fell asleep instantly while others decided to find some weed and smoke it up. I sat outside with my legs in the pool for awhile. My date sat there with me. She was fairly drunk, I’d say. She was like a ball and chain…I couldn’t let her out of my sight because she was drunk. And since she was my guest, I was chiefly responsible for her well-being.

*At this point, I don’t remember the exact order in which these events happened. I remember the bits and pieces that I can and fill in the rest with what people have told me. Furthermore, the dialogue typed out from here on out may have never happened because…well, I was drunk.*

When she demanded that we drink some more, we went back down into the basement. The second I reached the dark basement, my date was nowhere to be found. Lo and behold, guess who I was really able to find?

She was on the couch, her head leaning back because…well, she was drunk. She was wearing black tights and a light blue wifebeater. Her hair was a beautiful mess, as always.

This is my chance.

I stumbled over to the couch and sat down next to her. My head fell back too. Her friends didn’t seem to be around so I figured I was in the clear. She leaned over and placed her head on my left shoulder. She gripped my arm tight and said…

Mmmmmmmmm…

I leaned my head on hers. I had a whole speech prepared in my head. I knew exactly what to say to make her come back.

Hey, listen…I know I’ve made some mistakes. I know I’ve put you in situations that might not have been the most comfortable. But I’m learning. And isn’t that something? You’re getting me to try harder and to learn about how to really be in a relationship. I know that I’m not the most attractive guy around. I know that I’m not the greatest person around either. But I’m learning and I’m trying. Isn’t that what counts? I’m sitting on this couch with you and I know this isn’t the alcohol speaking. You’re so beautiful, it’s beyond explanation for me. You’re the girl that I would love to be stuck to. Even if it doesn’t wind up working out in the end, I could at least say that we tried to make it work. Inside and out, you’re crazily attractive. I know you’re here with another guy and all, but you know you’d rather be here with me. I just wish you’d give me another chance. 

But that all probably just came out as this:

…Hey…wann…you’re so hot.

She looked up at me and I swear, curiosity flashed in her eyes. One of her hands was now behind my neck, gripping my hair. The other began angling my head. She came in close and her lips seemed sexier than ever.

I know I’m drunk. I love you though. I want you.

I know for sure that she said that. There is not a doubt in my mind that she did. Because what happened next is what I remember most.

As she pulled in for a kiss, her friends came barging down the stairs and screamed. They pulled her off of me and brought her upstairs. I sat there, wallowing in my defeat. I was too intoxicated to get up in pursuit of her. My head fell forward and I shut my eyes.

—————————–

The rest of the story is rather uninteresting. I got in a huge fight with my date because she had been told of what was going to happen. I woke up the next morning and Anne was gone. I wouldn’t see her again until 2011. That was actually just a couple weeks ago. And do you wanna know what I did? I hid myself. Mostly because I haven’t had my hair cut in about a month and a half. I always think about that awesome moment in that basement, even if the alcohol affects the greatness of it all. The worst part is that I say – to the friends that know this story – that I should’ve kissed her. My biggest regret so far in my life was not kissing her. Now I’ll always wonder about what could’ve been. Rather, what should’ve been.

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