When You Stopped Being There

 When did I stop missing you? When did I stop needing you?

Has anyone else noticed that we go through much of our lives thinking we couldn’t make it without another person? We have this unimaginable dependence on other people. We actually think we would be unable to get out of bed and face the world without them – it’s not true – if you guys haven’t already guessed where I’m going with this. Seriously, just stop and think for a moment. When was the last time someone’s life came to a complete stop, ended or ceased to go on because they no longer had someone they once thought they couldn’t go a moment without in their lives. The most that ever happens to us is we temporarily put our lives on hold, we feel like our world has been turned upside down, life’s taken a full 360 degrees turn or that everything has come to a standstill (a totally unnecessary, over dramatic protocol if you ask me, of course it doesn’t seem like it then). You do notice though right, how we live on and everyday is a new day. Yeah that’s right, because life doesn’t stop for anyone of us – it goes on. You can call it the sad truth, but in all honesty the world would be a complete mess if it was any other way.

And that’s the moment, the moment you realize…you’ll make it.

When sustaining the relationships in your life becomes a chore, and takes a hell of a lot of effort…does that mean that it is no longer worth it? When you go months without speaking to your bestfriend, weeks without seeing him or her, and you fail to make plans – you have to question if it is even worth it anymore. When you opt out of messaging a friend because you think filling him/her in will take way too long and you don’t have the time to spare – you have to stop and think when the last time you spoke to them was. I’m not trying to say that investing time into relationships isn’t worth it – that is definitely not what I’m trying to get to. But do you ever feel that it’s been too long, that there’s very little to relate to, and that you don’t know where to begin filling someone in anymore because that’s really how much they’ve missed out on? I mean…if you have an hour to spare, and you know you won’t get through filling this person in that period of time then am I wrong for thinking that there’s no point? And what if during that time you needed them. Say you were going through a rough time…and that person you thought would be there and just wasn’t – for whatever justifiable reason. You don’t have the right to criticize and moan about them being busy. But I don’t think I’m wrong for thinking that if you’re that close to someone you expect them to be there through good times and bad times. You notice months later, that you’ve made it through all those times without this person…it just makes you realize that the time you needed them you went through it all alone – so then why do you need them now? Correct me if I’m wrong but doesn’t a relationship encompass the bad times as well as the good times.

Essentially what I’m saying is that you learn to live without people, you learn to not miss them, and you learn to not need them – and that’s when you realize you’ll make it. At that moment you know it’s just you at the end.

So then…why do we still hope that it wasn’t?

I stopped when you stopped being there.


Note: I wrote this nearly two years ago…and it all still stands true, more now than ever before I’d say and that’s why I chose to post this. Because this is what this all about right, the story of our lives?


–  R

This entry was posted in Writing and tagged , , , , , , by Rukhsar Zaidi. Bookmark the permalink.

About Rukhsar Zaidi

Hello beautiful people! My name is Rukhsar Zaidi. I am a business graduate, part time blogger and an aspiring business owner and a full time mommy! My blog is my self-expression and also a way of letting off some steam. I pretty much write about my life, things that bother me or things that I care about - in hope to both help myself figure life out one post at a time, and reach as many people as I can through my writing. I'm just an [extra]ordinary girl with extraordinary dreams, tryna find my place in the world and something constant in a constantly changing world. I'm extremely opinionated, super friendly and absolutely love getting to know new people. If that sounds like you too, give me a shout. I would love to connect with you!

5 thoughts on “When You Stopped Being There

  1. Oh wow, I can totally relate to this. It’s interesting–the emotions that we go through when we choose to stick around–even when we feel that the other person wasn’t there when they were needed. It’s a complicated ball of fear, percieved need, sorrow, guilt, and anger. As for me, I still think I’m the savior of the world or something. Almost always willing to ‘look at things from all angles.’ Thus, I simply slow down instead of coming to a complete hault…while hoping that this will give the other person a chance to catch up and prove that they want to be there.

    I guess when I’m REALLY ready to stop, I will. (but I’m hoping that I won’t have to) *tic toc*

    • I get what you mean about looking at things from all angles…but after awhile that just becomes a coping mechanism to me, kind of like an escape from reality because all we’re really doing is making excuses and justifications for why they can’t be there for us. Sometimes, maybe sometimes if you really have to give them some credit you can say sure there was something that needed elevated importance right now but you have to consider that time IS a variable. When days become weeks, and weeks become months, and months become years…it’s time to stop making excuses and justifying their actions. There actually is a too late in relationships…I do understand what you’re saying though. It’s always hard giving up on relationships that meant so much to you at one point. I hope you wont have to.

      • I TOTALLY know that this is the truth. At some point, we’ve gotta just let people be who they choose to be and that’s not what we need, then we can’t keep dishonring ourselves over and over again. I do get it.

    • Thank you. It’s ironic right? Two years later I’m back where I started..I remember feeling like this, it’s just not it seems more fit than it did before. I’m just not vulnerable anymore – some things have changed.

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