Stoopid, not stupid

**Warning: The following is a rant resulting from my frustration at work. If you don’t like irrational rage-rants, this probably isn’t for you…princess. 

I do not condone violence. Peace, love and happiness is what I always say (except not actually, I’m not a bumper sticker on the back of some 16 year old girls brand new pea green Volkswagen Bug, you know, the kind of girl that has never like omg understood why everyone else is complaining about the “real world”).  All I’m saying is that sometimes, it would feel really good to punch someone in the face.

I am many things; stubborn, irrational, overly analytical, hypocritical, I’m terrible with my money, i’m always late, I speak without thinking, and yes I can be a ditz a fair bit of the time too.

But god damn, if there is one thing I refuse to be, it is stoopid.

I’m not talking stupid like “ohh noo my IQ is 110”, or like “ughh why did I do that! Im so stuupiidd”.

That would be grossly hypocritical of me and I think pretty much just unrealistic. I am not a genius, and I make stupid decisions and mistakes all the time; I’m not a robot (but I’m working on it – seriously, how awesome would that be.) We are all allowed to be complete fucking dumbasses every once in a while.

When I say stoopid, I mean a very specific type of person. These particular people create a chain reaction of –


– everywhere they go…everywhere.

How to know when you’ve spotted a frighteningly common stoopid person

1. If they’re wearing a shirt that is funny exclusively because it is referencing something, but they have no idea what it’s referencing, hell, they don’t even know that it’s a reference.
2. They will always win an argument, but only because their logic is so absolutely ridiculous there is no possible response.
3. Also, they aren’t even listening to your argument.
4. They are never wrong, because they refuse to accept that they could ever be wrong.
5. You don’t want to punch them in the face, but you really really fucking do.
6. They never have to ask for help, because let’s face it, they’re still going to do it wrong.
7. They are also going to tell you that you’re wrong.
8. They have their own beliefs and values, and other people are wrong if they don’t have the same ones.
9. They repeat a famous quote, but adamantly say they made it up.
10. They have probably been punched in the face before.

Unfortunately, society frowns upon face-punching (probably because people like me would go around punching everyone in the face for no apparent reason), so I have learned to bottle up all my face-punching urges…the stoopid can rest easy for now.

And now I leave you with this note:

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is someone else’s two front teeth on the ground after I punch them in the face.

With Love,


P.S. I’ve been good all year, JUST GIVE ME THIS!

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