Letter for you.

Hi Anne,

I thought I’d ask you how you’ve been doing. In light of recent events in the world, I thought it was time I contacted you. I hope you’ve been well and that you’ve been keeping up with the football world.

It was around this time five years ago that we met. Winter was winter back then, haha. “Winter” now is just cold temperatures and constant and unforgiving winds. Where’s the snow? I remember you telling me how much you didn’t like snow. Seeing as you’re from California, I understand that. Snow and winter both are a love-hate kind of thing for me. It’s cold out, winds can legitimately hurt you (well, not seriously hurt you, but bite at you), you get your pants wet (and socks and feet and hair if you’re not wearing a toque) and it’s hard to get anywhere. Still, we had our fun, didn’t we?

When I really think about it, everything we used to do was always “undercover”. Nobody knew that we were into each other, let alone even knew each other. I even had a girlfriend at the time, hah. It felt so good because it was all a secret.

Fast forward to late-February. I guess everybody knew about us by then, huh? Your dad even knew. That didn’t really work out in my favour, but I didn’t care. I got my first and only American recruiting letter that month and you were ecstatic. It was awesome. Although all of that was happening, I had to also find out that we weren’t going to prom together. It was kind of bittersweet, but I learned to deal with it anyway. I was way too excited to take my first recruiting trip (and even more excited to be alone in another country with you).

That trip was great fun and I still remember it like yesterday. Sure, we didn’t really explore the city, but that’s when I really found out that it was time to grow up. Drunken arguments are never fun, but sometimes you actually learn something from them.

Next thing I knew, it was June. It was prom and we weren’t what we used to be. We were never boyfriend and girlfriend because I couldn’t commit to that. Maybe I was lying to myself because I wanted to trick myself into thinking I was being a good boyfriend to my actual girlfriend. Whatever the reason was, it was stupid. We were hardly friends and practically never spoke to one another during prom. Then came the afterparty and of course, liquid confidence brought us back together.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I regret a lot of things. You’re definitely one of the biggest regrets. Remember the basement? We sat there in our drunken happiness just enjoying each other’s company. I can’t even lie, it was great to have you under my arm again. And at that point, I didn’t have a girlfriend anymore either. Even though I was drunk, that memory is so vivid in my mind. Then again, maybe alcohol enhanced the memory itself and it probably didn’t go as smoothly as I remember it did. Who knows, haha.

I should’ve kissed you. I should’ve taken a chance on you. I should’ve taken your advice and tried my luck in America. But I didn’t and here I am. We aren’t even friends anymore. I don’t know what happened to you or where you go for school. For all I even know, you might have moved back to the U.S. for school. I miss you a lot, but I suppose this letter probably tells you that more than anything.

My life’s good. I’m a semester away from graduating my undergrad. I’ve been dating my current girlfriend for the past 3 years and she’s awesome. I think you’d really like her too. I’ve finally got a car of my own (well, not really…my parents paid for it and everything is under their names, haha). After we stopped talking, everything football-related for me went downhill. I separated my right shoulder twice, dislocated my right shoulder once, my right knee has bone spurs in the cap, my ankles have been turned a hundred times more than I would have liked and to top it all off, my final year of eligibility went to waste after tearing my LCL in my right knee during a try-out (I got cut and had to try-out for the team again…long story). So, in summation, the whole right side of my body has aged a good 20 years, haha.

I often wonder how you’re doing and have flashbacks of our conversations sometimes. They’re some of my favourite memories, you know that? I remember the ideas you used to hatch about me playing in the NCAA and us going to school together. We even had plans to try and live together after undergrad and let life take over from there. I guess it’s too bad I was too chicken to take that shot with you. I feel like I’ve been missing out big time, but there isn’t a thing I can do. Even though I miss you  loads, I don’t think I’d do anything to change where I am now. I hope you feel the same way.

Here’s to hoping we run into each other sometime soon. I’d really like for you to meet my girlfriend and to catch up on everything. Life’s too short to keep quiet and I know that you know why I’m writing you. I don’t want to wind up in the same situation as some other people have.

P.S. I also hope that you still do your stupid Harry Potter thing and rub your head scar. If it burns, you’re thinking of me. 😉 All jokes aside, I hope that scar has healed up and I bet it’s hardly visible now, haha.


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