There was a time in my life when I was: careless, bubbly, happy-go-lucky and full of life. There is nothing wrong with that, but wait there’s more. I thought nothing could bring me down, that everything was fun and games. I was so naive. I thought I was invincible.
I hadn’t been acquainted with real life.
That was a long time ago and things are different now. Over the course of my life a lot has changed and so have I, and drastically too. I’ve learnt a lot in life, but sometimes I wish I could have learnt it differently. I wish my path had not been paved with lies, hurt, deceit, pain, manipulation and heartbreak. In hindsight, maybe the way it all played out is how it had to. Sometimes we must hurt, break, and fall in order to rise, learn and become better and stronger. I’ve had my fair share of breakdowns over the past few years. I’ve gotten hurt, lied and been lied to, and cried till I could no longer. I’ve fallen and broken down. It’s just never prevented me from getting up on my feet and rising again, even when I’ll admit I didn’t want to. I didn’t know it then, but I learnt a valuable lesson every time.
Love hurts, life’s strange, nothing lasts and people change.
High school: popularity skid. There is no better way to put it. I started off with so many friends it was unbelievable, that number decreased substantially. People came, and people went. I learnt people change…it used to get to me, I thought there was nothing worse than walking into a class full of familiar faces and realizing how many of them were your friends, and how many of them you were so close to and then have reality lurk in and say now they’re no one, not even acquaintances.
I started high school with plenty of friends too many. Over the last four years that number has decreased substantially. As the days progressed, we drifted, moved on, changed and grew apart. I’ve learnt people change. When I look back sometimes, it all really gets to me. There’s nothing worst then walking into a class full of familiar faces and realizing you talked to most of these people, half of them were people you called your friends, a handful of them were very close to you and have reality lurk in and say now they’re no one, not even acquaintance. I used to think there was nothing worse than that feeling but I learned soon that there is.
[The thing is, that doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. That’s life, I now believe that everyone serves a purpose in your life and you in theirs, and when that purpose has been fulfilled we move on. Some people are meant to be there for a short while, some are meant to be acquaintances while others are meant to be lifelong friends…and you can only have a couple. I walked away with my share, and that’s all that matters right now. It seemed a lot worse than it actually was back then of course.]
I’ve learnt that no matter what you do and how far you are willing to go for someone, you cannot make someone care for you, be there for you like you are for them or love you. I know…because I’ve tried. I have given my all, loved unconditionally – in hope that even half the amount of will be reciprocated – it never was, of course. I’ve learnt love hurts. Not everyone you like will like you back, not everyone will return the love either. I’ve learnt to come to terms with that. It wasn’t always easy though, not as easy as it sounds at all. It was always a war…to love, and not be loved. It’s a constant emotional battle.
I’ve always been there for people through thick and thin, in good times and in bad. I did my best to make things better and help in any way that I could. I’ve learnt you can only be the very best that you can be because you are all you can account for. I’ve given my best, my all. Believe me when I say that because there actually was a time in my life when I was so emotionally bankrupt that I had nothing left to give, nothing left to offer – because I gave, gave, and gave some more and never got back. I’ve learnt its okay to feel like that, because you must first heal yourself before you can heal others and it’s important to feel good about yourself before you can help others feel better.
I’ve learnt to heal, to feel, accept my feelings, and feel better about myself.
I’ve given too much credit. I let people lie to me, hurt me and get the best of me. I let things slide and made exceptions. I’ve been lied to simultaneously, sometimes by the same person but I gave them the benefit of the doubt for the sake of our friendship. But when it all came down to it, and I needed the same consideration I learnt sometimes what you do for people they won’t do for you.
Good times, bad times, friendships, relationships, clicks, groups, life– I learnt nothing lasts.
I’ve made mistakes. I’m not perfect. I’ve done things I wish I could take back. I know if I could go back and do it over, I’d do it all differently but I know that’s wishful thinking and the past cannot be reversed.
I have learnt with time and great difficulty, to forgive myself.
I have learnt:
- People change and that it is inevitable
- Love hurts and sometimes you’ll question it
- Sometimes you will go unnoticed and unappreciated
- Not everyone you like will like you back
- Sometimes you must forgive and forget for your own sake
- It’s important to forgive yourself
- Sometimes moving on is in the best interest of you and those around you
- Some risks are worth taking
- It is important to rise when you fall
- Life will knock you down more than once, you must get up
- People will lie and betray you, you must learn to put your trust in yourself
- Your trust will be broken many times, be careful who you trust
- You have the ability to make or break yourself
- Some people are selfish and materialistic
- Sometimes people will put conditions on love, forever and unconditional
- To apologize when necessary
- To not hold grudges because they bring out the worst in me
- To give second chances
- You’ll get your heart broken and sometimes you’ll break someone’s heart
- It’s okay to try and fail, just keep trying
- You must heal, before you can help others
- Sometimes the truth will hurt
- Lying to protect someone doesn’t make it legit
- You’re not obligated
- You don’t owe anyone anything
- The life you’re living could be taken away from you at any moment
- To put my faith in god not humans
- We make mistakes, we’re only human
- Life’s not fair
- We all make our own choices and decisions
- To not judge
- You must walk a mile in someone’s shoes before you have the right to judge them and see where they’re coming from
- Behind every face, there’s a story waiting to be told
- There are always two sides to a story
- Karma’s a bitch, what goes around comes back around
- To not take life for granted
- Family is important
- People will disappoint me and I’ll disappoint them
- No matter what, life goes on
- Sometimes you and anything you do is never good enough for someone
- People will always want more
- Life’s strange
- Money can only buy you so much
- The path less traveled is usually the right path
- Sometimes people look right past you and through you
- Sometimes you’ll be held liable for something you didn’t do, judged, and blamed even when you’re innocent
- People can only hurt and betray you until you let them
I’ve also learnt there will always be someone that will stick by your side through thick and thin, come to your rescue and accept you for who you are. There will be someone that will love you unconditionally and look past your flaws. I’ve learnt family is always going to be there. I’ve learnt there are things that should be given elevated importance and to be more selfless. I’ve learnt sometimes it’s life and death and now or never.
I don’t think I would have been who I am today had it not been for these experiences. I am who I am today because of what I’ve been through, seen, and felt. All of it has helped mould me. I’m far from perfect, I have my flaws, my strengths, my weaknesses – but this me, and I’ve learnt to be proud of it.
I’ve learnt to move on and make the best of what I’ve got.
I’ve learnt it’s never too late for change.
I’ve learnt life’s too short for regrets.
I’ve learnt I’ll continue to learn until I take my last breath and with that I’ll continue to change.
I’ve learnt change is inevitable.
I’ve learnt no matter how much I change, I’ll still have a set of beliefs, morals, and opinions that define me – things no one could take away.
I’ve learnt, I’m learning.